i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
