If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
