Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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