apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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