I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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