People in love make me want to vomit
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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