I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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