Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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