Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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