Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
