I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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