I love how my cats smell like pot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
