This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
