Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
