genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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