We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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