why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
