Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Randomize
