how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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