Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
