I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
