Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
