I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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