they need to just BURY HIM!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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