But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
