I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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