you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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