just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
