that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize