remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
