You surviving the open bar?
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I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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