You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
