Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
