Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In other news, I just burned my penis
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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