my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
