Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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