Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
