if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wat bout pragnant strippers??
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
