someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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