I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
