The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
