You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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