My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
