Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize