Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
