I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
