PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
