Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
