Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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