I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
