I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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