Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
