my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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