Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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