Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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