i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize