He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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