Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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