We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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