Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
