That's when you crack a 10am beer
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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