Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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