That's intense
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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