mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
