But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
