She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
