I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
