dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
