I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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