Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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