happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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