That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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